The Short storyHi, I'm Mike, I’m a starter parent. This is my first go–it’s hard, and I’m often not good at it.
There is no handbook, and I think we can all agree (to borrow from corporate comms) that ‘what got us here won’t get us there.’
Nobody is saying, “Make Parenting Great Again.” We are all trying to be good parents, learn, grow, and keep it together.
Things are different. Who knew being a cyber-security officer was part of being a parent? I hate entering passwords after 7PM & having to run counter-intelligence on screen time limits.
Being a self-starting, curious, former TAG student I looked in many places and spoke to oodles of doctors and caregivers, compiling notes, bookmarks, books, podcasts, workshops, research, alternative therapies, IEPs… too many. And I’m an expert in none of these things, btw.
Guess what? Very little for parents, and pretty much nothing for fathers. Throw the layer of neurodiversity and all the education, health, and social challenges that come with it. We are just supposed to know and navigate all this crazy shit? Frustrated and angry, our family continued to survive the challenges of being in this world.
I was burned out in my career, burned out in parenting, and slid into the pandemic with two young kids a month after I lost a job & got a puppy (a whole other story). I broke my ankle, too.
The next business I started didn’t work out. And instead of going back to school after our ‘Homeschooling, sponsored by Nintendo Switch,’ my son was diagnosed with ALL Leukemia (it’s a blood cancer). He’s healthy and thriving now after 2+ years of chemo, etc. We are so thankful. Please donate blood if you can; it absolutely has an impact on your community.
Yeah, so how do you parent a neurodiverse, sensory-processing kid going through the pain of cancer, the rage of steroids, and being stuck at home? I don’t know, but it wasn’t good. We’re here now, and we’re working on the rest.
Let me also share that depression is not something you want to mess with. Thankfully, I got help for myself while trying to help everyone else.
I began to understand my own brain and my son’s brain. That helped me understand the emotions. And I stopped feeling bad, ashamed, or embarrassed. It took work, encouragement, accountability, and non-judgmental spaces to make it happen.
Dad needs help. Families need help. I wish I didn’t feel pulled to be a certified parent coach to help dads of neurodiverse kids. But I know having someone who will listen and who has been through a few things can greatly help.
If you know someone who you think could hear this, please share.
Thanks!